I keep crying. I can't believe how hard this is. I try to stay busy with work and with school and marching band, just to keep my distracted. But almost every time I have time to myself, I get sad or angry or I just cry... the hole in my heart won't go away... and it hurts so badly. :'/
I'm always gonna love him... but I wish he hadn't done this to me.. to us. He was my home... the only place I could feel toatlly relaxed and at peace and... just safe. And I know he's fighting for me and that he still loves me... but these trials are so hard.
God, I can't stop crying! When is this pain gonna leave me alone?! I want it to heal so I can just be happy, but it's always lurking there in my heart and mind, never leaving me alone...
I love him...... so much....... I wish I could heal....... I wish I could heal........... I want him to hold me again.. to tell me everything's gonna be ok..... just like he always used to when something in my life was going wrong. But now...... I can't even see him or talk to him.......... can't even see his smile. hear his voice.... I hate this. I hate it...
sorry guys......... I gotta go. I just... I gotta go....
-HN
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