Wow. And to think he was going to love me forever. What a joke! He doesn't know that I know, but a friend told me what he told them and... let's just say that, because we've been apart for so long, he's starting to like someone else.
... I wish I wouldn't cry about it. But it sucks cause he promised to love me still. He said he'd come back in two years. Yet... I feel like he lied about that too just so he wouldn't hurt me as bad. Yet, it STILL hurts! I've been crying before sleeping almost every single night, wishing he could be next to me. I miss his smile and the way he'd talk to me. I miss how calming his voice was and the gentleness of his touch. But to him.... what was I to him really? Was I ever someone he loved? Because, for me, I still can't even look at another guy (aside from just my band friends and all) without thinking about him. I was sitting in the band room the other day and got this random, serious pain because I missed seeing him there. He doesn't realize...... who he is to me. And... I gave everything I could possibly give in my heart for him. I cared about him all the way down to my soul. And he's said he loved me just the same. Guess that was all a lie too huh? I should just move on.... but I don't know how to. That's the problem. I don't even come even the tiniest inch close to feeling the same for anyone else. I long for him to hold me... and now he's pushing me away. I was wrong...
I was all wrong...
-Ninja Specialist
