How Could This Happen...?

I can't believe i let this happen the way it has. I can't believe that, every single thing in my life right now, seems to be spiraling completely out of my control. My heart seems non-existant. No one is ever truly able to reach me because I feel like no one wants to listen. I feel like my "problems" and my "obsession", (which is NOT true), is annoying ppl. I am NOT obsessed with him... yes, maybe I should've let him go a loooong time ago, but I love him. I really truly do, and I just.. worry because I know he's making the wrong choices. And I'm not saying about his new "girl thing" or whatever it is he has with her now... I'm saying health wise and socially and, most likely, emotionally. There's absolutely nothing I can do about it either! He doesn't want to talk to me, that much was made apparent by how he never answers my texts and how I'm now too afraid to call.
How can one person, ONE person, effect me this much?? I feel so lost without him... and yet, all hose memories seem so fake, so fabricated out of lies, that I'm beginning to realize he never loved me... not like how I loved HIM.
He was and is my everything, and if he wants to just keep pushing me away, so be it. I'll always be here for when he needs me; that's just how it is...