So, because of all the crap I've been going through, I keep searching for ways to escape all my craziness. :) My first solution, which always works, is music. I'm starting to push myself harder to learn to play my guitar that I've had for almost a year and only played it like... three times. :P I write a ton of songs and I decided on one that I plan on singing for the talent show at the end of my school year. It's going to be legit and I hope a certain person is there to hear it; I hope it gives him hell too.
I know, I know, that's totally messed up, but I think he needs to hear the song. It describes how I feel for him in ways I still haven't been able to describe in normal words. I just... want him to think. To try to understand where I'm coming from and just how deeply I feel for him. Right now I'm on the verge of saying, "I'm over you", but I know it's not true. That's the thing; not seeing him for this long, not getting to be held by him, look into his incredible eyes, and smile at him has been so rough for me. But, I know that my feelings might start to fade, but the moment I see him I feel like they explode out of me... I get completely scatter-brained. I lose it. And I love him in that stupid way that, no matter what he does to me, I know I'm going to love him. If that comes to be unhealthy, I'll move on, avoid him at all costs, and get over it.
But, until then, I'm going to keep singing. I'm going to continue to write songs about him in both anger and love, until he hears me and until he understands me.
Music is going to save me this time.
-Ninja Specialist
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