I..... am...... soooo..... over that stupid guy! Ok, he seriously isn't who he used to be! And he's a jerk! and.... oooo I just wish he'd open his eyes but he doesn't know anything. not how much I loved him, not how much I just want him to go away so it'll be easier to not think about him every time I drive by certain places or whatever!
Also, here I am, getting ready to graduate and I'm so scared and don't want to do anything about scholarships or colleges or anything! It's overwhelming and scary and I.... I just want to enjoy my summer and my senior year. I want things to go right, and I want things to work out and stuff... Idk. I just need to get out of this town; for good. No more staying, no more waiting. But..... can I just be a kid for awhile? At least... for just a little longer......
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
A Deep and Frightening Truth: The Hunger Games
(I know the format is weird; it wouldn't let me post it the way I actually wrote it. Sorry!)
Written By: Hannah Jackson
Acc. English 11
Blood, gore, intensity that sets you on the edge of your seat, and some complicated romance that makes readers want to know what will happen next, The Hunger Games has it all. The Hunger Games is fraught with symbolism, so much so that each major,and some minor, characters Collins has chosen to include can stand for something much greater than just epic characters for a good read. For many parents though, The Hunger Games poses danger and even a threat to their kids and teens. Adults decided that the best way to be rid of a high likelihood of rebellion, or consistent nightmares, The Hunger Games was put up on the Top Ten Most Challenged books, having about 348 attempts to be banned from school libraries and curriculum due to being “…unsuited to the age group, sexually explicit and too violent” (myhungergames.com). There is a deeper meaning within The Hunger Games; a truth that adults and our government itself fear because of the spark it could ignite within the people of the world, possibly causing a downfall for everyone.
Katniss Everdeen, the main protagonist and slight pessimist that stands in the spotlight of The Hunger Games, should be introduced. From the very beginning, Katniss shows that she is a survivor; it is in her blood. She hunts to provide for her family along with her friend, Gale. They both sneak their profits from hunting to keep their families fed. Both kids are from a very poor area and can hardly scrape by, especially since both Katniss and Gale’s fathers are dead from tragic accidents that occurred in the mines. It is not until Katniss’s younger sister, and only sibling, Prim, gets drawn for the Games, a live fight-to-the-death-and-sickeningly-glamorized annual show, that she does the unthinkable; she volunteers to take Prim’s place in the Games… to die. Now, this is when Katniss begins to be seen as either completely stupid, or fiercely courageous. As the plot-line progresses, things are still twisted and violent, the darkness of the player’s hearts unable to hide in the Games. Katniss starts to see some extremely disturbing and grotesque things within minutes of being in The Arena (Collins 150). She begins to develop a fire within her, spreading it out to the audience of The Hunger Games as well.
She becomes a beacon of hope, striving to win the Games so she and her new accomplice and friend, Peeta, can go back home and live in whatever shred of peace they are able to hold to. Katniss’ defiance toward the Capitol unknowingly sends a spark flying into her civilization, starting a fire that cannot be stopped by anyone. Though, she does not see, or even want to acknowledge, how much influence she has throughout The Hunger Games trilogy, which tended to frustrate many readers, (thehungergames.co.uk). In the end, Katniss seems to be able to grasp her audience so well because she brings out something that is inside all of us; the will to fight for survival, the courage to protect those we love, and the hope that someday things will be better in the world. Thus, her strong character, even with all her weak-links, makes her so realistic; the real world seems to have a fear that The Hunger Games will, in their own way, start a true rebellion against other governments. This brings me to our aforementioned character.
Gale Hawthorne, a strong, silently angry teenager who hunts alongside Katniss to survive, represents the anger of the people. Gale always vents to Katniss about how angry he is with the Capitol, which is the place where President Snow lives. His father died in a mine accident with Katniss’ dad, and ever since, he has been out hunting to keep his family alive. He met Katniss one day while hunting and, though the two had a rocky start, they started helping one another out, knowing just how hard it was to stay alive as it was.
He remains a furious teenager throughout almost the entire Hunger Games series, eventually becoming a leader of a secret military that is discovered in book three of The Hunger Games; Mocking Jay. Gale also adds some tension in The Hunger Games because he is Katniss’ second love interest, one that she kind of wants to choose due to the fact that the two have known each other for a long time. The only thing stopping their romance is Katniss’ fear of having children who would have to enter The Games, and she does not want that. The other thing stopping them from possibly being together is Peeta, who had to survive The Games with Katniss, as well as Gale having a rough edge about him. Gale accurately describes just how angry our nation can become, as well as how difficult it is to make certain choices for the greater good of those you love.
Now enters Peeta Mellark, Katniss’ partner during The Games, who later becomes a very good friend of hers; also a love interest. This character in The Hunger Games is someone who tended to draw people to him without ever trying. Katniss, throughout the entire Hunger Games series, is constantly dumbfounded by the way Peeta can say such few words with such perfection, that people instantly clung to every word.
Peeta and Katniss, though sometimes tense around one another, make an incredible team. Katniss is Peeta’s strength and fight, while Peeta stands as Katniss’ speech and, in a way, he is her etiquette. They work together and, unbeknown to them, they send a spark throughout Panem that is instantly starting up a blaze that they can no longer control; not even for their own safety. This also resembles our nation in a strong way; there are many citizens out there who have an amazing grasp on speech and with only a few strong facts and a smile, people just might believe all of it and follow as well. Peeta also symbolizes our thoughts and hopes, searching for better times in this life. The thing that distinguished Peeta was how, even though he was not a physical fighter, he knew how to battle with words, urging Panem to stand for what was right. Even with everything Peeta went through before and after The Games, he never truly changed; he remained himself which insulted the Capitol in its own way.
Prim is a healer, not a killer, and Katniss would do anything to keep her safe. Prim most likely represents the innocence in people, the side that wants to stay away from war and battle itself, but would assist anyone who needed it the moment it was asked of her. She knows that curing people of injuries is all she can do in the twisted world she lives in, and she embraces it completely, knowing it is her calling.
The Hunger Games have had multiple attempts to be banned from schools due to its violence and sexual immorality, therefore causing the trilogy to stand as unsuited for the age group The Hunger Games are meant for. This argument, which was made by many parents and adults, seems silly to other readers, young and old, (myhungergames.com). It is understandable about the violence, but take a look at what is on TV these days, especially when it comes to the news. Violence, war, fighting, it is literally everywhere, even in schools. Bullying is definitely a form of battle, even if it is not physical abuse. Are The Hunger Games inappropriate for the age group they are directed towards? Maybe that is true, but there is a comment from a ten year old on the above mentioned website, sixth and seventh post down, that disagrees with the banning of these books. When it comes to “sexual immorality” in The Hunger Games, there were many arguments against the truth in the statement. It is mentioned that Katniss and Peeta sleep together, but nothing ever happens, and only people who have read The Hunger Games trilogy, would know that for sure. The posed problem seems to mostly be that The Hunger Games are too graphic for most young readers.
These characters, Katniss, Gale, Prim, and Peeta, have the strongest influences when it comes to reading The Hunger Games. Whenever the downfall of humanity comes, and it could be a long way off, or even right around the corner, The Hunger Games illustrates what this nation could possibly become. There is violence everywhere, as well as hatred and unnecessary war. Our governments hold the power to cause things to happen and not to happen, but the revelation that The Hunger Games portrays, may cause fear to those governments. The reason being, The Hunger Games shows a true face of corruption of power, just like in the real world today, and how you see every day in the news and on the streets, just how corrupted our nation has become. Things in our days are tough, and The Hunger Games shows a possibility at how it all could end. Katniss is the stronghold in The Hunger Games, leading a group of rebels into a nearly impossible victory.
This is what she decides, becoming the Mockingjay, because the Mockingjay is the standing symbol of rebellion and the battle for their rights as living, breathing people. Today, things truly are not much different; everyone wants to be heard and have the correct rights given unto them. Who says they can’t? That is what causes the fear, to both parents and likely the public as a whole, that the words and beliefs in The Hunger Games trilogy could cause uproar. If this happened, it might get dangerous, and that is what causes such fear. This fear, though, should not be pushed aside; it should be taught in schools.
The Hunger Games is one of the most brilliantly written series as of late, and the characters, the plot, and the truth, will live on forever in the hearts and minds of those who read it (thehungergames.co.uk).
Written By: Hannah Jackson
Acc. English 11
A Deep and Frightening Truth: The Hunger Games
Blood, gore, intensity that sets you on the edge of your seat, and some complicated romance that makes readers want to know what will happen next, The Hunger Games has it all. The Hunger Games is fraught with symbolism, so much so that each major,and some minor, characters Collins has chosen to include can stand for something much greater than just epic characters for a good read. For many parents though, The Hunger Games poses danger and even a threat to their kids and teens. Adults decided that the best way to be rid of a high likelihood of rebellion, or consistent nightmares, The Hunger Games was put up on the Top Ten Most Challenged books, having about 348 attempts to be banned from school libraries and curriculum due to being “…unsuited to the age group, sexually explicit and too violent” (myhungergames.com). There is a deeper meaning within The Hunger Games; a truth that adults and our government itself fear because of the spark it could ignite within the people of the world, possibly causing a downfall for everyone.
Katniss Everdeen, the main protagonist and slight pessimist that stands in the spotlight of The Hunger Games, should be introduced. From the very beginning, Katniss shows that she is a survivor; it is in her blood. She hunts to provide for her family along with her friend, Gale. They both sneak their profits from hunting to keep their families fed. Both kids are from a very poor area and can hardly scrape by, especially since both Katniss and Gale’s fathers are dead from tragic accidents that occurred in the mines. It is not until Katniss’s younger sister, and only sibling, Prim, gets drawn for the Games, a live fight-to-the-death-and-sickeningly-glamorized annual show, that she does the unthinkable; she volunteers to take Prim’s place in the Games… to die. Now, this is when Katniss begins to be seen as either completely stupid, or fiercely courageous. As the plot-line progresses, things are still twisted and violent, the darkness of the player’s hearts unable to hide in the Games. Katniss starts to see some extremely disturbing and grotesque things within minutes of being in The Arena (Collins 150). She begins to develop a fire within her, spreading it out to the audience of The Hunger Games as well.
“Then I remember Peeta’s words on the roof. ‘Only
I keep wishing I could think of a way to… to show the Capitol that they don’t
own me. That I’m more than just a piece in their Games.’ And for the first
time, I understand what he means.” (236)
She becomes a beacon of hope, striving to win the Games so she and her new accomplice and friend, Peeta, can go back home and live in whatever shred of peace they are able to hold to. Katniss’ defiance toward the Capitol unknowingly sends a spark flying into her civilization, starting a fire that cannot be stopped by anyone. Though, she does not see, or even want to acknowledge, how much influence she has throughout The Hunger Games trilogy, which tended to frustrate many readers, (thehungergames.co.uk). In the end, Katniss seems to be able to grasp her audience so well because she brings out something that is inside all of us; the will to fight for survival, the courage to protect those we love, and the hope that someday things will be better in the world. Thus, her strong character, even with all her weak-links, makes her so realistic; the real world seems to have a fear that The Hunger Games will, in their own way, start a true rebellion against other governments. This brings me to our aforementioned character.
Gale Hawthorne, a strong, silently angry teenager who hunts alongside Katniss to survive, represents the anger of the people. Gale always vents to Katniss about how angry he is with the Capitol, which is the place where President Snow lives. His father died in a mine accident with Katniss’ dad, and ever since, he has been out hunting to keep his family alive. He met Katniss one day while hunting and, though the two had a rocky start, they started helping one another out, knowing just how hard it was to stay alive as it was.
“And then one day, without either of us saying it, we became a team. Dividing the work and the spoils. Making sure that both our families were fed” (Collins 111).
As Gale began to trust Katniss more with his secrets and his thoughts, he began ranting to her how he wishes he could do something about the Capitol and just how wrong it was. Katniss only listened, not ever agreeing or disagreeing, but thinking it was pointless to try because of the balance in power. Gale thinks otherwise though; he is continuously thinking of ways of escape or ways to save their families from all the evil the Capitol was conducting.
“On other days, deep in the woods, I’ve listened to him rant about how the tesserae are just another tool to cause misery in our district. A way to plant hatred between the starving workers of the Seam and those who can generally count on supper and thereby ensure we will never trust one another”
(Collins 14).
He remains a furious teenager throughout almost the entire Hunger Games series, eventually becoming a leader of a secret military that is discovered in book three of The Hunger Games; Mocking Jay. Gale also adds some tension in The Hunger Games because he is Katniss’ second love interest, one that she kind of wants to choose due to the fact that the two have known each other for a long time. The only thing stopping their romance is Katniss’ fear of having children who would have to enter The Games, and she does not want that. The other thing stopping them from possibly being together is Peeta, who had to survive The Games with Katniss, as well as Gale having a rough edge about him. Gale accurately describes just how angry our nation can become, as well as how difficult it is to make certain choices for the greater good of those you love.
Now enters Peeta Mellark, Katniss’ partner during The Games, who later becomes a very good friend of hers; also a love interest. This character in The Hunger Games is someone who tended to draw people to him without ever trying. Katniss, throughout the entire Hunger Games series, is constantly dumbfounded by the way Peeta can say such few words with such perfection, that people instantly clung to every word.
“He has the audience from the get-go, though; I can hear them laughing, shouting
out. He plays up the baker’s son thing, comparing the tributes to the breads
from their districts. Then has a funny anecdote about the perils of the Capitol
showers. ‘Tell me, do I still smell like roses?’ he asks Caesar, and then
there’s a whole run where they take turns sniffing each other that brings down
the house.” (138)
“… I’m more than just a
piece in their Games” (Collins 142).
Last is Primrose Everdeen, Katniss’ twelve year old sister. This young character is the one Katniss volunteers to go into The Games for, a minor character who indirectly helps set a huge movement into motion. When Katniss courageously takes Prim’s place in The Games, the future of Panem seems like it will be the same it has always been; that is, until Katniss and Peeta win The Games. Prim, who had watched every moment of the horribly televised slaughter show, is entirely grateful that Katniss returns alive. By the time Katniss returns, Prim is helping their mother with medicines, helping to heal injuries that go anywhere from scratches to extreme burns that happen to townsfolk and miners alike. Primrose is no fighter, which is fairly obvious by Katniss’ description of her.
“Prim’s face is as fresh as a raindrop, as lovely as the primrose for which she was named” (Collins 3).
Prim is a healer, not a killer, and Katniss would do anything to keep her safe. Prim most likely represents the innocence in people, the side that wants to stay away from war and battle itself, but would assist anyone who needed it the moment it was asked of her. She knows that curing people of injuries is all she can do in the twisted world she lives in, and she embraces it completely, knowing it is her calling.
The Hunger Games have had multiple attempts to be banned from schools due to its violence and sexual immorality, therefore causing the trilogy to stand as unsuited for the age group The Hunger Games are meant for. This argument, which was made by many parents and adults, seems silly to other readers, young and old, (myhungergames.com). It is understandable about the violence, but take a look at what is on TV these days, especially when it comes to the news. Violence, war, fighting, it is literally everywhere, even in schools. Bullying is definitely a form of battle, even if it is not physical abuse. Are The Hunger Games inappropriate for the age group they are directed towards? Maybe that is true, but there is a comment from a ten year old on the above mentioned website, sixth and seventh post down, that disagrees with the banning of these books. When it comes to “sexual immorality” in The Hunger Games, there were many arguments against the truth in the statement. It is mentioned that Katniss and Peeta sleep together, but nothing ever happens, and only people who have read The Hunger Games trilogy, would know that for sure. The posed problem seems to mostly be that The Hunger Games are too graphic for most young readers.
These characters, Katniss, Gale, Prim, and Peeta, have the strongest influences when it comes to reading The Hunger Games. Whenever the downfall of humanity comes, and it could be a long way off, or even right around the corner, The Hunger Games illustrates what this nation could possibly become. There is violence everywhere, as well as hatred and unnecessary war. Our governments hold the power to cause things to happen and not to happen, but the revelation that The Hunger Games portrays, may cause fear to those governments. The reason being, The Hunger Games shows a true face of corruption of power, just like in the real world today, and how you see every day in the news and on the streets, just how corrupted our nation has become. Things in our days are tough, and The Hunger Games shows a possibility at how it all could end. Katniss is the stronghold in The Hunger Games, leading a group of rebels into a nearly impossible victory.
“I’m going to be the Mockingjay” (Collins
31).
"If you are looking for something to grip your kids after an orgy of Xbox, The
Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins is it... Plunge in because this is rip-roaring,
bare-knuckle adventure of the best kind, and destined to be an even bigger hit
than Stephenie Meyer's Twilight.... It would be giving away too much to
describe all the twists this absorbing and morally challenging novel throws up,
but it is a real humdinger that adults, too, would love. In the renewed debate
about why boys aren't reading, The Hunger Games would be the perfect antidote -
if only schools had the wit to choose it for a class reader" (The Times).
Thursday, April 5, 2012
How Could This Happen...?
I can't believe i let this happen the way it has. I can't believe that, every single thing in my life right now, seems to be spiraling completely out of my control. My heart seems non-existant. No one is ever truly able to reach me because I feel like no one wants to listen. I feel like my "problems" and my "obsession", (which is NOT true), is annoying ppl. I am NOT obsessed with him... yes, maybe I should've let him go a loooong time ago, but I love him. I really truly do, and I just.. worry because I know he's making the wrong choices. And I'm not saying about his new "girl thing" or whatever it is he has with her now... I'm saying health wise and socially and, most likely, emotionally. There's absolutely nothing I can do about it either! He doesn't want to talk to me, that much was made apparent by how he never answers my texts and how I'm now too afraid to call.
How can one person, ONE person, effect me this much?? I feel so lost without him... and yet, all hose memories seem so fake, so fabricated out of lies, that I'm beginning to realize he never loved me... not like how I loved HIM.
He was and is my everything, and if he wants to just keep pushing me away, so be it. I'll always be here for when he needs me; that's just how it is...
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
The Letter...
For You,
If I could take it all back, I would, if only to save myself. I could care less what you do anymore, and that's the God honest truth; but please, don't hurt me anymore in the process. I can only stay strong for so long. So, consider this moment, right now, the moment I let you go. Forever. I deserve better, you know it, so please... I am BEGGING you, if you don't love me anymore, just leave me be so the pain can truly go away... I'm tired of crying. Tired of hurting. And I can be strong to your face, but the reality is, behind my mask, all I do is bleed. If you ever read this... don't be angry. I've always wanted to talk this out with you, but I'm weak when it comes to you... you know me too well. Nothing I can say or do will make things the way they once were. So, I guess you could say I'm giving up; but I'm looking at is as moving on. I know I've said that about a million times by now, but I really need to. Nine months... that's what it's going on, you know that? I. Am. So. Tired. I never seem to run out of tears so I just told myself to stop altogether. Know what that did? My grades dropped. I stopped caring about everything. And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. My music. School. My writing. My drawing which is something I cling to dearly because it helps me vent almost as much as singing does. I didn't care if I got to see my friends or not. I didn't care who talked to me or who didn't. I just walked around, not realizing just what was happening. Next thing I knew, I was arguing with my mom about my grades and I told her I was mad at myself, that I didn't know why I didn't care anymore. Then it hit me and I broke... almost as bad as I did in June and when you told me about liking someone else in.. I think November. Can't remember, don't care. But, I've decided to take my stand right now. I'm exhausted, you don't even understand. You may say you know what I'm going through, but you have no. freakin. idea. You're too self-centered and worried about what's happening to you to even look at me. To even try to understand just how I feel about everything. You only want me to stick around to keep your self-esteem up. What about mine, huh?! What about how much I hurt, how much I'm struggling to understand what's happening all around me. Well, guess what? I finally opened my eyes to see that I have people other than you who can help me. You only care about yourself... cause if you'd cared for me, things would've been WAY different than they are now. But..... something else I've noticed... we've BOTH changed. I hate fighting with you... no matter how small they are, I hate it. I wanted things to last, but you didn't. And, maybe you DID at one point, but that is no longer. And it's ok... seriously, I really DO want you happy. More than anything. . . but, for ME to be happy, I have to move away from you. Just seeing you sends my heart into a flurry I can't even stop, and it's unhealthy. I can't be around your family for too long or I know I'll cry, and that's something I told myself I'd stop doing a long time ago. I wanted to say this all in person... but I feel I speak better with the written word than the spoken one. I wanted to help you, to be happy with you, to LOVE you, to show you that no one knows you or loves you like I do. But, the answer is obvious now:
We weren't meant to be...
After the first couple months, the only thing I really wanted from you was a smile. An honest to God, you're my best friend, wish-things-coulda-been-different, smile. For your eyes to actually meet mine, because you can't hide there. I wanted honest words; didn't matter if they were cruel or kind, I just wanted honesty. I wanted to hug you one last time...These things can't happen, I know that. And it's ok. I've come to accept these things. I don't care if you never see this, it doesn't matter.
But please, if I ever meant anything to you, I'd like to speak. Once more... a last time. Maybe not for forever, but I can't stick around anymore. Not with everything happening in your life now; it's wrong and it'll make you look bad as well as me.
Please... if I EVER meant a thing to you... talk to me. With honesty. It's the last thing I ask of you...I'm sorry my love wasn't enough... I'm sorry, and I'd take it back if it would fix everything.
I'm so sorry for everything bad that ever happened... I'm sorry..And I know, deep down, there'll always be a place for you in my heart. That's just how first true love is, right?
-Ninja Specialist
If I could take it all back, I would, if only to save myself. I could care less what you do anymore, and that's the God honest truth; but please, don't hurt me anymore in the process. I can only stay strong for so long. So, consider this moment, right now, the moment I let you go. Forever. I deserve better, you know it, so please... I am BEGGING you, if you don't love me anymore, just leave me be so the pain can truly go away... I'm tired of crying. Tired of hurting. And I can be strong to your face, but the reality is, behind my mask, all I do is bleed. If you ever read this... don't be angry. I've always wanted to talk this out with you, but I'm weak when it comes to you... you know me too well. Nothing I can say or do will make things the way they once were. So, I guess you could say I'm giving up; but I'm looking at is as moving on. I know I've said that about a million times by now, but I really need to. Nine months... that's what it's going on, you know that? I. Am. So. Tired. I never seem to run out of tears so I just told myself to stop altogether. Know what that did? My grades dropped. I stopped caring about everything. And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. My music. School. My writing. My drawing which is something I cling to dearly because it helps me vent almost as much as singing does. I didn't care if I got to see my friends or not. I didn't care who talked to me or who didn't. I just walked around, not realizing just what was happening. Next thing I knew, I was arguing with my mom about my grades and I told her I was mad at myself, that I didn't know why I didn't care anymore. Then it hit me and I broke... almost as bad as I did in June and when you told me about liking someone else in.. I think November. Can't remember, don't care. But, I've decided to take my stand right now. I'm exhausted, you don't even understand. You may say you know what I'm going through, but you have no. freakin. idea. You're too self-centered and worried about what's happening to you to even look at me. To even try to understand just how I feel about everything. You only want me to stick around to keep your self-esteem up. What about mine, huh?! What about how much I hurt, how much I'm struggling to understand what's happening all around me. Well, guess what? I finally opened my eyes to see that I have people other than you who can help me. You only care about yourself... cause if you'd cared for me, things would've been WAY different than they are now. But..... something else I've noticed... we've BOTH changed. I hate fighting with you... no matter how small they are, I hate it. I wanted things to last, but you didn't. And, maybe you DID at one point, but that is no longer. And it's ok... seriously, I really DO want you happy. More than anything. . . but, for ME to be happy, I have to move away from you. Just seeing you sends my heart into a flurry I can't even stop, and it's unhealthy. I can't be around your family for too long or I know I'll cry, and that's something I told myself I'd stop doing a long time ago. I wanted to say this all in person... but I feel I speak better with the written word than the spoken one. I wanted to help you, to be happy with you, to LOVE you, to show you that no one knows you or loves you like I do. But, the answer is obvious now:
We weren't meant to be...
After the first couple months, the only thing I really wanted from you was a smile. An honest to God, you're my best friend, wish-things-coulda-been-different, smile. For your eyes to actually meet mine, because you can't hide there. I wanted honest words; didn't matter if they were cruel or kind, I just wanted honesty. I wanted to hug you one last time...These things can't happen, I know that. And it's ok. I've come to accept these things. I don't care if you never see this, it doesn't matter.
But please, if I ever meant anything to you, I'd like to speak. Once more... a last time. Maybe not for forever, but I can't stick around anymore. Not with everything happening in your life now; it's wrong and it'll make you look bad as well as me.
Please... if I EVER meant a thing to you... talk to me. With honesty. It's the last thing I ask of you...I'm sorry my love wasn't enough... I'm sorry, and I'd take it back if it would fix everything.
I'm so sorry for everything bad that ever happened... I'm sorry..And I know, deep down, there'll always be a place for you in my heart. That's just how first true love is, right?
-Ninja Specialist
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Crash and Burn..
I'd rather go to hell than deal with this shit. That's how I feel right now. You know.... I finally admit to my feelings for everything. I FINALLY do it... and now I'm just stuck!
I THINK I'm starting to like one of my good friends, but it's so on and off, I really can't tell. And... every time I think I'm getting somewhere to where I no longer have feelings for him... it doesn't take much for me to fall all over again. Two days ago, all it took was a dream. I dreamed about him... and I was sad to wake up. :/ And then there's the one I think I'm starting to like... he is so sweet and kind and always hugs me and all.. but we never hang out. He doesn't know me all that well. Like, we don't see one another enough to truly know how the other is. Yet, he's so kind... I just don't want to turn his sweet self into a rebound. That would be so wrong and I would hate myself forever if I did that.
I don't even know what to do...
How can I love someonw who hurt me SO deeply? I don't understand it... why am I still in love with him? An answer... or a solution, would be much appreciated, life.
A Very Wilted,
Ninja Specialist
I THINK I'm starting to like one of my good friends, but it's so on and off, I really can't tell. And... every time I think I'm getting somewhere to where I no longer have feelings for him... it doesn't take much for me to fall all over again. Two days ago, all it took was a dream. I dreamed about him... and I was sad to wake up. :/ And then there's the one I think I'm starting to like... he is so sweet and kind and always hugs me and all.. but we never hang out. He doesn't know me all that well. Like, we don't see one another enough to truly know how the other is. Yet, he's so kind... I just don't want to turn his sweet self into a rebound. That would be so wrong and I would hate myself forever if I did that.
I don't even know what to do...
How can I love someonw who hurt me SO deeply? I don't understand it... why am I still in love with him? An answer... or a solution, would be much appreciated, life.
A Very Wilted,
Ninja Specialist
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Things Suck Right Now
So... I can't stop loving this person. All I ever did was love him... and I realized it's been distracting me badly from other things.
Meaning, like, my grades look like shit. I don't care about anything anymore... ya know? and I'll explain in deeper detail later... I'm in school right now.
If I could just get rid of this pain... I think I'd be ok..
-Ninja Specialist
Meaning, like, my grades look like shit. I don't care about anything anymore... ya know? and I'll explain in deeper detail later... I'm in school right now.
If I could just get rid of this pain... I think I'd be ok..
-Ninja Specialist
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Things are just crazy right now.
I keep wanting to work on my story. I do what I can, but that doesn't tend to be much. Then, at the same time, it's like... everyone wants my attention, though the one person I want to want my attention, doesn't seem to want it. If that makes any sense?
Oh well. I'm just grateful for my friends and music. I plan on starting to record my songs :) I need some good distractions and maybe fame will do it ;) just kidding, I probably won't be famous. But that doesn't mean I can't try ^ ^
I still love him. So so so much. But, everything is just normal now. We're friends, we talk almost every day, and things are chill. I will NOT mess this up. Not now... not any time soon. Things need to heal over before anything happens, if even ever. So, yea.
Merry Christmas to you all :)
Love,
Ninja Specialist :3
I keep wanting to work on my story. I do what I can, but that doesn't tend to be much. Then, at the same time, it's like... everyone wants my attention, though the one person I want to want my attention, doesn't seem to want it. If that makes any sense?
Oh well. I'm just grateful for my friends and music. I plan on starting to record my songs :) I need some good distractions and maybe fame will do it ;) just kidding, I probably won't be famous. But that doesn't mean I can't try ^ ^
I still love him. So so so much. But, everything is just normal now. We're friends, we talk almost every day, and things are chill. I will NOT mess this up. Not now... not any time soon. Things need to heal over before anything happens, if even ever. So, yea.
Merry Christmas to you all :)
Love,
Ninja Specialist :3
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